Tag: alcoholism

Bearly Worth Mentioning

jono55

Robin and I drove to Durango on Tuesday morning, and we noticed that above 9000 feet many of the aspens are turning yellow. Now, I have a dim recollection that this means something about the coming weeks and months, but for the life of me I can’t remember what it is.

Maybe ChatGPT will know. They are my oracle when it comes to stuff like this.

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ChatGPT: what do you want now?

Moi: I was wondering if you knew what it means when the tree leaves turn colors in August..

ChatGPT: You have got to be kidding.

Moi: No, I’m just an ancient person and have forgotten many things.

ChatGPT: Sigghhhhhh … it’s one of the signs that autumn is coming.

Moi: But isn’t this sort of early for that?

ChatGPT: Not when you have a drought. The leaves turn early and their colors aren’t usually as bright.

Moi: How interesting. Did you in that one nanosecond that has passed since I posed the question scour the libraries of the world for your answer?

ChatGPT: No.

Moi: Then …

ChatGPT: It was in this morning’s paper.

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Robin is in Durango, spending time with Claire when her parents are away. The home is several miles out of town in an area that not infrequently sees bear activity. So much so that every home must keep their trash in a bear-proof container.

The problem is not just one of having one’s trash spread about, but of safety for the bear. If one of them becomes accustomed to finding food in garbage cans and starts hanging around human dwellings regularly, any aggressiveness on its part means a call to a wildlife officer, and often a bullet for the bear.

Wednesday, as Robin was retrieving the family’s container from the roadside collection site, a black bear approached to within less than ten yards. Robin neither moved toward nor away from the critter, and after a moment or two it continued on down the road, uninterested in anything that did not promise easy access to food. No threats offered, no offense taken, no phone calls made.

Except for the excited call to me here in Montrose to relate the story of the encounter.

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Bear, by The Shouting Matches

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From The New Yorker

When I lived in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, we would see bears often while camping, about half the time, in fact. Their only interest was in food, so we kept ours all in the VW bus we traveled in. On one of these trips we were still in the process of setting up camp when one of our kids noticed a bear going through the campground, site by site, and opening each trash can to check out the contents.

When the animal approached our trashcan, the six of us got into the van to watch the bear do its inspection. Finding nothing, it moved on along its route. (I should add that this was nearly fifty years ago, when campers were not nearly so knowledgeable as to proper behavior with trash and around bears.)

During those years in the UP, there was only one episode of physical harm from a bear that I knew of. A teen-aged boy was camping without a tent all by himself in a wooded area. When he turned in for the night, he unwisely took his food into the sleeping bag along with himself so that the raccoons wouldn’t get at it. Along came a bear which found itself staring at what was (to the bear) essentially a large human burrito, and he began chomping away. The boy managed to get out of the bag and run off, eventually making his way to a local hospital, where he received some minor patching up.

The sleeping bag, unfortunately, was a total loss.

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Black Bear, by Railroad Earth

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From the New Yorker

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We are only one week away from September, that month each year when I give over to my most sappy, maudlin, mawkish, corny, and moony side. It might not happen if there weren’t that song* to play and listen to. Something about its wistfulness brings out these drippy weeps, and I don’t seem to have the will to not play it. Every autumn. Like clockwork.

If I am dreading it, I really can’t imagine what must be going through your minds. Perhaps if we all buck up we’ll get through to the other side and October, where lies safety. Hold that thought.

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As of this morning, I have reached one of those milestones. I am twenty years sober. This is not a boast, and I don’t publish as self-puffery, but to speak to anyone out there who is wondering about whether their use of alcohol is helping or hurting them … there are other possibilities.

One day at a discussion in a rehab center, a client stood up and said that he was one year sober and many in the room clapped. The moderator interrupted and asked “Why are you clapping? All he said was that for the past year he has behaved like a normal person and has stopped harming himself and those around him.”

And that moderator was right, I think. We announce our sobriety anniversaries to reach out to those whose hands are still shaking, not to show that we are some sort of paragons. To point out to those still carrying the weight of alcohol addiction that they can put down the rock and walk away. It’s no more than doing the next right thing.

And did I do that next right thing by myself? Surely you jest.

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*September Song

Battle Songs

jono55

There’s an amusing article in Monday’s Times of New York on the British style of political humor being presently applied to Elon Musk. Of course they have their own bones to pick with the man, with his recent meddling in European politics, always on the far-right side of the bin.

If you are going to stick pins in a gasbag, it is much more enjoyable when they have a thin skin, and can reliably be provoked to outrage. Here Musk qualifies, in spades.

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Won’t Get Fooled Again, by The Who

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When Robin and I bicycle out into the rural we often see a few of the beautiful Gambel’s Quail. If we’re lucky, we’ll see a small handful of chicks as well.

But this photographer in Arizona stumbled upon something special.

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Winter is dragging its heels as we creep toward the inevitability of Spring. Daytime temperatures are going back up into pleasant territory, but nighttime freezes are still the mode of the day. So far all of the blossoming trees are doing quite well, thank you very much. Coming here from the prairies, it has been interesting to see what landscape plantings do well and are thus popular in the mountain climate. At least here at around 6000 feet of altitude.

We are presently moving toward the end of the local forsythia season, where those bright golden flowers stick out from the predominating gray and brown background colors of our yards.

This plant seems quite happy here in Paradise, although I’ve noticed that the size of the shrubs up here is more modest than those planted closer to sea level. When I lived for a time in Buffalo NY we had three large forsythias in the backyard that looked like the one in the purloined picture at right. Each one was briefly an explosion of color.

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With God On Our Side, by the Neville Brothers

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We’ve got a problem here in Colorado. We have two Democratic senators who are decent, likable, hardworking, and honest. This is a problem, you ask? Well … they are trying to work toward bipartisan solutions to problems when the opposing party has lost its mind, backbone, and apparently any fleeting memory of what they are really supposed to be doing in Congress. Seems a waste of energy.

I find myself wishing that our two representatives had a bit more of the rogue in them these days and were willing to take some risks, perhaps even getting their hands a bit bruised and dirty. I remember Michelle Obama bragging back in the dimly remembered days of you’re about how important it was to take the high road. That admiration of clean fingernails may be one of the reasons we are in the pickle we are in. Because the other side has never had any such compunctions, that puts us often in the difficult position of bringing a dessert spoon to a gunfight.

For instance, somewhere deep in my heart I have the feeling that if her husband had been just a tad less fastidious that Merrick Garland may have made it to the Supreme Court. And what a difference that would have made in our lives! But Barack stayed clean and shiny and cool and hosted another White House musical evening and now women’s reproductive freedoms and a lot of other good things political are in the crapper.

( I know that I am probably being unfair to Barack O, and how would I know any of this, being a nobody out here in the boonies, but … maybe there’s some truth to what I am saying?)

Anyway, I plan to send our senators each a pair of work gloves and recommend that they put them on and dig in. Politics may not have to be a bloodsport, but it is definitely similar to making sausage. Not always pretty or enlightening to watch, but sometimes there can be tasty stuff that comes out of it.

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I’m posting my idea of “protest” music on this blog for a while. We need to find our voices and tunes suitable for marching, in this new uncivil war. As a country we’ve gone from Sousa’s Stars and Stripes Forever to Cluck’s version, which is Stars and Stripes -Meh! Need to move on from there.

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We Shall Overcome, by Dorothy Cotton, Freedom Singers, and Pete Seeger

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Somewhere in an El Salvadorean nightmare of a prison is a man who we now know doesn’t belong there. His name is Kilmar Abrego Garcia. Our government, which sent him there, is refusing to cooperate with attempts to get him released. One court officer says “Get him out and return him immediately.” Chief Justice John Roberts says “Wait, put a pause on that.”

What am I missing here? Why is there any question of bringing him back as fast as we can?

I have that living in Wonderland feeling so often these days.

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Watched a special movie on Monday evening. On Netflix. It’s called The Outrun, and stars Saoirse Ronan. Usually I am not keen on watching films where alcoholism is a major theme, as my own personal story has provided me with enough of that sort of drama. But I started it and stuck with it because any chance to watch a Ronan performance is not to be missed. So glad I did because this is not just another 12-step movie.

It’s also not a simple linear watch, but well worth the small effort you will need to make if you take it on. And the last few seconds (literally) are a happy surprise and perfection as an ending.

BTW, much of the story takes place on Scottish islands. It is rock and sea and storms, and a cinematographer who appreciates them.

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Coping

jono55

Some good things that come from the cold weather are the coping strategies that we use. A steaming bowl of steel cut oats is a warm and chewy way to start a morning. Aromatic soups both mundane and exotic are just the right thing for supper, and their preparation warms and perfumes the rooms.

Sharing a small blanket with a friend while watching television harkens back to the bundling practices of colonial America. And if you and your friend are of like mind, there are delightful liberties that can be taken under that covering.

Those puffy down jackets and coats are amazing armor against arctic weather. Even my 35 year-old Loden parka, heavy wool that it is, is a barrier no icy blast can penetrate.

And when your bathroom feels like the crisper drawer in a refrigerator as you strip down to take a shower, a small portable heater can create a micro-climate just for you.

I think that our cats feel much the same way. Without the need to constantly patrol the back yard against marauders of various species, they can remain indoors and devote themselves full-time to their true love … napping.

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Father’s Son, by Stephen Wilson Jr.

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We still don’t have much snow here in Paradise, and the nearby ski areas are starting to complain that they would like quite a bit more, if you please. Ski resorts here in the mountains so frequently grumble about how much snow they’ve received that in this they are much like the farmers of the prairie states who absolutely never get the amount of sunshine or rainfall that they want.

In general talking to those farmers during the growing season is tiresome. They will rail against the weather of the present, and when they are done with that they will begin bringing up the meteorological misdeeds of the past several decades.

These orations are so similar to one another that farmers could really save themselves time and energy by transcribing one of them and then printing it as a handout to be passed around in place of conversation.

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I can’t recall if I’ve brought this up before, but my approach to cooking is to learn how to do everyday dishes well, and leave the more exotic and the gourmet to others.

So it’s a tasty roast chicken that might come from my stove, but probably not coq au vin. I don’t worry about the intricacies of working with phyllo dough because I skip over any recipe that contains it.

From time to time a new recipe will work out so well that I take one bite and my jaw drops and my pupils dilate. Although this is not a culinary blog, I am going to start sharing with you those times when something turns out that good that I can’t shut up about it. My first such share is for a chicken noodle soup that rocks, and is in a total ‘nother country.

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Cuckoo, by Stephen Wilson Jr.

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Readers of this blog over time have learned that I attend AA meetings pretty regularly. Even though I haven’t used alcohol for a very long time now, there are at least two reasons that I still go to those meetings.

  • First, one is never “cured” of whatever being an addict is, and so far there has been nothing found that works better than the comradeship and support of people in the same pickle that you are in in maintaining abstinence.
  • Second, if you have found a small boat to have been a lifesaving tool for you, gratitude leads you to personally want to make sure that such a useful watercraft is tied up to the dock and available for the next person who needs it. An AA meeting can be that boat.

Robin and I are watching the British television series Call the Midwife, and in one of its story threads it has subtly laid out the progression that many people who now suffer from alcohol addiction have followed in their lives. A main character in the show first enjoys the camaraderie and sophistication that she feels when having a dram on special occasions. Then it is on non-special occasions. Then nightly. Daily.

Because the series was so successful and lasted so long, this progression took place slowly over several years, as it often does in real life.

Eventually there come the attempts at self-control and their subsequent failures with accompanying guilt and dishonesty. The lucky ones eventually find their way to a therapeutic community, with AA being one example.

All of this has been laid out quite believably in the series. There are no big dramas, no surgeons passing out and pitching forward into the abdominal cavity (oh, the stories we accumulate), but only a good woman doing what other good women were doing but finding that somehow … inexplicably … she developed a problem while they did not.

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[Sometimes it helps to turn to poets to see through the smoke, at those times when life becomes a dance of perplexity and anguish. A friend of mine long gone used to say “Poets are the last truth-tellers.” Of course, he said a lot of things … some of them were true.]

Exquisite Politics

by Denise Duhamel

The perfect voter has a smile but no eyes,

maybe not even a nose or hair on his or her toes,

maybe not even a single sperm cell, ovum, little paramecium.

Politics is a slug copulating in a Poughkeepsie garden.

Politics is a grain of rice stuck in the mouth

of a king. I voted for a clump of cells,

anything to believe in, true as rain, sure as red wheat.

I carried my ballots around like smokes, pondered big questions,

resources and need, stars and planets, prehistoric

languages. I sat on Alice’s mushroom in Central Park,

smoked longingly in the direction of the mayor’s mansion.

Someday I won’t politic anymore, my big heart will stop

loving America and I’ll leave her as easy as a marriage,

splitting our assets, hoping to get the advantage

before the other side yells: Wow! America,

Vespucci’s first name and home of free and brave, Te amo.

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I’m A Song, by Stephen Wilson Jr.

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