Magic In The Machines

Well, Dipstick Donald got his butt handed to him in Iran. He seems to have been caught off guard when the Iranians quite unfairly started blowing up the entire Middle East and blocking off of 20% of the world’s oil shipping. Every day there has been a new justification coming out of the White House for starting the whole mess, the latest being that Cluck was coming down with a cold and was out of sorts. If Melania would have been kind enough to rub his chest with a mixture of beef tallow and Vicks Vaporub we might have been spared the whole bloody mess and the deaths already accumulated.

How pleasant it will be when he is finally stamped with the letter “P” (for pedophile) on his forehead and can be placed on a sexual offenders list. That way we can keep track of him once he’s been booted out of office.

My own preference would be to haul him to Mar-El-Lago, lock him in there and never let him out. Only adult family members would be allowed to visit, that is, if any of them want to do so. He would be assigned the duties of PLO (permanent latrine officer), with regular and rigorous inspections by that loony Kennedy over at Health and Human Services, who could thus resume his old habit of sniffing cocaine off toilet seats to his heart’s content.

******

Ghost of Your Guitar Solo, by MJ Lenderman

******

******

Thursday we received a new refrigerator. When we moved into this house the departing owners left us a nearly-new fridge, but that new one became 13 years old and about two weeks ago turned itself off. Then on. Then off. Then on. We read up on the matter and learned that the average lifespan of such an appliance is around seven years, so ours is ancient by those standards. After much pondering we decided to replace it, rather than beginning a cycle of expensive repairs that were strongly suggested were coming our way.

To me these things are still a marvel, with their automatic defrosting, in-door ice dispensers, deli drawers, and mostly awesome reliability. As a very young child I knew only the word “icebox.” This was essentially a large and very well insulated cooler. It was not electrified and thus had to be fed ice periodically to do its job.

Such ice was available from two sources, one of them being a building three blocks from our home where you put in some money and blocks of ice came sliding down from somewhere that you could put in your wagon to transport home. The other source was a medium-sized truck that made deliveries of ice to the homes, and in the summertime there was a steady dripping of melt-water behind it as it slowly made its rounds, since the truck was not independently refrigerated. On a hot July day we kids learned that if we looked pathetic enough and held out our hands the driver of the truck would give each of us a large chip of ice to suck on. For FREE!

Then came the refrigerator. Magic. Bye-bye to the ice houses and the ice trucks of the world. You now had something you could plug into the wall socket and forget about all that mess … until it frosted up. The freezer compartment would build up a thick layer of ice that ultimately brought the machine to its knees and then there was nothing for it but to take everything out and open the doors to thaw things.

Anyway, Thursday we get delivery of a new fridge, and all we had to do is come up with a couple of grand to make it happen.

******

My having some surgery a few days ago means that I’m missing No Kings 3! Damn. COVID already kept Robin and I out of No Kings 2. How in the world will the revolution go forward without me there to carry my spear, raise my dudgeon, spew my vituperations? It will be a pale thing indeed if this pattern keeps up.

I’ve been gathering Old English curse words and phrases, since the sturdy old f-bombs are so over used these days. I think that some of those in the following list show real promise, but now I will have to wait until another time to use them fully. Too bad, because we have way more than our share of jobbernol goosecaps here in Paradise, and they deserve to be pointed out.

Wærloga: Meaning “oathbreaker,” which evolved into “warlock”.

Bædling: An insulting term for an effeminate man or hermaphrodite.

Fussock: A fat, lazy, or scruffy woman.

Saddle-goose: A foolish person.

Puttock: A greedy person.

Gnashgab: Someone who complains constantly.

Scunner: A loathsome or horrible person.

Fopdoodle: An insignificant or foolish man.

Whoreson: A common insulting term. 

Sard: Often cited as the Old English version of the F-bomb.

Fuccian: A weak class 2 verb, indicating an early form of sexual profanity.

Lickorous glutton: A lascivious or greedy person.

Jobbernol goosecap: A fool or blockhead.

Ninny lobcock: A foolish, clumsy person.

******

An item touching on the recent death of our cat friend, Poco. A few days after his final office visit, we received this card from the veterinarian’s office. I thought it was a lovely gesture, and perfectly suited our present mood. Forever, of course, would have worked only if he could have still been young and strong and not living in pain and confusion. Loved the card, though.

***

Awright … one more gallery. These images of Poco were photos taken by Robin and I that were then manipulated with ChatGPT to have a particular appearance, which they call the “Norman Rockwell”” effect. Cheating, right? But isn’t any alteration of a photo, whether by Photoshop or other editing programs, much the same? I know that this is carrying it quite a bit further, but it’s all along the same line, I think. What it means is that a rather inept guy like myself can produce interesting photo effects by clicking away without knowledge or understanding.

I am posting them because somehow these imitations of life are no longer specific to a time or place. They mean something particular to me, of course, but in a way they have become representative of the life of a tabby cat in general, and it could be one you have met, a cat who was looking out of a window or walking in fall leaves in a yard.

******

Here are the originals, for comparison.

******

I first heard the song Ashokan Farewell as the main theme for the Ken Burns series: The Civil War. I always assumed it was a period piece, perhaps dating back to the 1860s. But no … it was composed in 1982, by Jay Ungar. Such a lovely and wistful and evocative piece it is. One of those tunes that you’d have sworn was present, playing in the back ground, during your entire life.

Until I ran across this cover by Priscilla Herdman, though, I had not heard the lyrics. Of course they are sad. It’s a farewell, for God’s sake.

******

Brains on Autopilot

Today I feel nostalgia for events that have not happened.

I do not know what the previous sentence fully means, but I wrote it down just as I heard it in my mind as I stood in my garage staring out through the open overhead door at dark skies and a rainstorm moving east toward Montrose.

Sometimes you wake in the morning and read what you’ve written and it is as novel to you as it will be to the next person to see it. Thoughts, insights, inspirations can arise in my own brain completely ex nihilo. I know that I could not have written them because they are conveying information that is news to me.

I’ve read that this is not uncommon among writers, and their interpretations are always interesting. Some claim that it is “the Muse.” Some say it is God whispering. Some just admit that they have no idea how it occurs which is mostly the case with me, but … hey … what if …

We know that as long as we live that our brains never go totally dark. They are always at work at mundane things like keeping us from falling out of bed. They are always aware of time and this explains why we wake up so often a minute before the alarm is scheduled to go off. But I have a strong suspicion that our brains also never forget, even though we may. That they are always receiving, always cataloging, always filing away everything that our ears, nose, eyes, and skin bring in. And once in a great while they give us a phrase or a paragraph and we wonder, WTF?

So this afternoon I am being made wistful by hearing this phrase: Today I feel nostalgia for events that have not happened.

******

For those who might also be wistful right now, here’s a good tune for the moment.

The Beautiful Lie, by the Amazing Rhythm Aces

******

******

It’s mid-November and the kids are riding bicycles around the neighborhood while wearing t-shirts. It’s been that kind of month. I can handle warm without breaking stride. It’s freezing drizzles that get me down, and those are front and center in most of my memories of past Novembers.

I own two coats that are proof against really cold weather. Last winter I didn’t wear them at all. One is an old-fashioned thick woolen one, of a style that used to be called a Loden coat. The other is a “puffy,” a down-filled thing that weighs nothing and works wonderfully. I don’t love the look but I do like the comfort.

But if we’re still wearing t-shirts outdoors at Christmastime I will have to rethink my entire cold weather wardrobe. That will be a wrenching thing to have to do. Some of those garments I have owned for more than thirty years. Heavy and sartorially obsolete they might be, but they have served me well and will still be wearable when I am off walking those streets of gold.

******

It came to me out of the blue as I fought with the treadmill at the recreation center yesterday. The treadmill, like all of the other machines in the building, is trying to kill me, I know it for a fact so don’t even bother trying to defend them.

I exercise wearing headphones, with basically all of the upbeat songs that I own in a single playlist, and the result is that tunes I haven’t listened to in years get their moment onstage once again. As this one played I realized that it was a perfect metaphor for the dilemma facing all of the lickspittle Republicans in Congress. See if you agree. The music is provided by the Clash, a British chamber music group of the 70s.

******

[The following is information I gathered about something I had never thought I would have to deal with in the United States, a secret police force. Of course I was being naive, because although overall I have had great respect for the FBI, there have been times, especially under former director J. Edgar Hoover, when its behavior warranted such a definition.]

Secret Police, Police established by national governments to maintain political and social control. Generally clandestine, secret police have operated independently of the civil police. Particularly notorious examples were the Nazi Gestapo, the Russian KGB, and the East German Stasi. Secret-police tactics include arrest , imprisonment, torture, and execution of political enemies and intimidation of potential opposition members.

Britannica: Secret Police

The much maligned (deservedly so) Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agency of the Department of Homeland Security is thought by many to be a secret police force. I am one of those many. If we examine the quote above we know that ICE is guilty routinely of all but assassination. Which brings up our own los desaparecidos … what of them?

Here in Paradise we have had only one ICE encounter that I know of. Statewide there are several organizations that keep pretty good track of their depredations. If anyone observes any ICE activity in their community that person is urged to report it to the Colorado Rapid Response Network (CORRN) at their hotline which is operated 24 hours a day by volunteers. Their number is 1-844-864-8341.

There are many worthy organizations providing advice to us to follow if we are detained by ICE agents. One of them is the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), and I have included a link to their PDF delineating what we can do if we find ourselves involved with these criminals.

When the present regime falls, as it will, the agencies of repression that it has spawned will be disbanded and their members brought to justice. That, my friends, will be cause for outrageous and intemperate celebration. I am already planning some outrageous for myself, I will leave the intemperate to others.

******

White Cliffs of Dover, by Vera Lynn

******

The Sound of Two Hands Slapping

Robin was in Durango on Wednesday night, while I hung around Paradise to attend an Indivisible meeting on the Disappeared Ones. The meeting went well and at present I am out on the backyard deck where the overwarm day is cooling off right on schedule. The ongoing violation of constitutional protections is one of the more repellent programs Cluck has put into play. It’s straight KGB stuff, Gestapo stuff. The clay that authoritarians use to mold their citizens into subjects.

I took some time to read more tonight about the courage of the Madres de Plaza de Mayo in Argentina, who kept coming back and asking the question of the brutish government “Where are our children?” They came back even when they were being beaten, tortured, imprisoned, and in some cases becoming los desaparecidos themselves.

Cluck is now breaking the law and disappearing people every day, using the masked thugs of ICE as his henchmen in our own version of the brutish Argentine government of 1977. There is no safety under such a president for any of us. To think otherwise is foolhardy.

******

Mothers of the Disappeared, by U2

******

******

Since Robin was away, that evening I went out to supper alone. At the next table was a family consisting of mom, dad, grandma, and three young children. The adults, as far as I could tell, spent way more time corralling their imps than they did enjoying their food.

It wasn’t that the kids were unusually naughty, it was that their energies couldn’t be contained on a chair. My takeaway from watching this drama was twofold. First, that kids in a restaurant can be amusing to watch if they are not yours. Second, I am grateful that I don’t have any small kids of my own any longer, and thus am able to eat serenely while others lose their cool and their appetites.

I still shudder thinking back to the time when my own kids were in their feral stage and the carpeting under our restaurant table looked like a picnic that had exploded. I’m quite sure that the waiters of that time looked on our arrivals with resignation and our departures with relief.

******

This is the time of year when visiting the Grand Mesa must be done cautiously. Right after the snows have melted up there, the gods turn loose one of the great plagues of mankind. Instead of saying “Release the Kraken,” however, they smile and whisper “Release the mosquitoes.”

The top of the Grand Mesa, billed as the largest flat-topped mountain in the US (or world), is very different from the valley floor. The types of trees and the abundance of lakes make it much like northern Minnesota. And the month of June in that fine state is another place to find all manner of tiny bloodsucking demons whose names start with the words Culex, Anopheles, or Aedes (there are actually 112 genera of mosquitoes).

Twelve years ago when Robin and I were looking for a place in Colorado to settle and were visiting Montrose we used one afternoon to explore the Mesa just a bit. Taking a short hike proved challenging in that we could not stop to breathe once the beasties zeroed in on the carbon dioxide in our outbreaths. Slapping frantically we ran to the safety of our car, slammed the doors shut, and vowed never to go back in early Summer again.

My father used to awe us children when he would allow a mosquito to light on his arm and completely fill itself with blood, turning its abdomen quite red. We could not imagine ourselves doing such a thing, but watching his recurring performances was both horrifying and fascinating.

.

******

One of Us, by Joan Osborne

******

******

Here’s something anyone of my tender years can use to strike awe into kids. They already know that we were born before digital cameras, before computers, even before television moved from the lab into our homes. So reciting those items won’t stun them one bit. But here’s the phrase that will be absolutely incomprehensible to them and will bring them to their knees, slack-jawed and unbelieving:

“I was born before ball-point pens.

******