Living in the Land of the Mad King forces one into a sort of unreality mental bubble. Cluck does daily what would have brought down any other President in my lifetime. Or in the history of our Republic. He remains in office through the complicity of 95+% of the political party that put him there in the first place. This larger group has completely given up on what is good for the country and the rest of the world and focuses only on what will please their diseased potentate and keep each of them personally in office. Even thinking about them disgusts me and makes my food taste bad.
So down the road when His Rabid Imperialness finally succumbs, and he finally lies insensate on the floor of the Oval Office surrounded by the jackals who have kept him in power, remember that we need to extirpate the whole snarling lot of them. Root and branch, my friends, root and branch. This cannot be allowed to happen again.
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A few posts back I mentioned briefly that I had just discovered that I harbored a malignant growth. Since then there have been many worried days, but now there is a happy resolution to report. There are cancers that are extremely difficult and there are those that are merely annoying. Two days ago the investigations finally revealed that I have the merely annoying kind. With regular maintenance examinations I will live until I unlive from some other catastrophe, such as a piece of the Space Station falling on me, or gluttony, or … you get the picture, I think. So, no more on this topic.
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Robin and I are now viewing the last year of the series The Gilmore Girls. The level of the writing has done pretty far downhill, and the latest episode “jumped the shark” when they placed two main characters in a faux Paris just so they could stare longingly into each other’s eyes while the Eiffel Tower glowed beyond their window. The series has always been entranced with the hyper-wealthy, and now there are Lorelei’s parents (hyper-rich), Rory’s boyfriend (hyper-rich), and Lorelei’s new husband Christopher (hyper-rich). We are beginning to watch merely because we’ve already put in so much time that we are morbidly curious about what will happen in the last episodes.
But we will stick it out, looking to the smaller characters for traces of what made the series charming in the first place.
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On Thursday, Robin and I rendezvoused with Allyson, Kyle, Justin, Jenny, Kaia, and Leina, at small spa outside of a minuscule town named Moffatt Colorado. The name of the spa is Joyful Journey. It was the sort of place where you could camp in a your tent or recreational vehicle, or you could choose to stay in a yurt, motel room, or a teepee.
Meals were included in the price of lodging, as were trips to take the waters. Everything about it was pleasant and low-key and would’ve been totally relaxing if it were not for the fact that there was a wind that blew continuously all day and until well after dark at 30+ miles per hour.
After walking around in a gale like this for a few hours, one feels totally beaten up by it and we didn’t stay up late to chat as much as we would have ordinarily. We basically walked from sheltered space to sheltered space as much as possible, but at evening the breeze relented in time for us to watch a beautiful moonrise. ‘Twas a good place to spend a day or two or even more.
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Robin had taken a liking to one of my old poems and posted it on our bulletin board in the kitchen. When a friend noticed it, read it, and then commented favorably without knowing who had written the thing, I could almost feel my ego puffing up. It was written forty years ago, during a particularly stressful part of my life, when living in a temporary world of pain and disruption were producing some changes in me that forced my hand. I let out the poet.
That is my pattern. When things are going well, no poetry. When the feces has hit the ventilation device, out comes this person who writes two kinds of verse. Good ones and sappy ones. By now the sappiest have been long ago purged, and it does give me pleasure to occasionally go back through the remaining few, remembering the chaos that surrounded me when I wrote them. At this distance I am in control, when I wrote them that was often not the case. Today it is safe for me to read them.
I have been a fool many times in my life. Not always the same sort of fool, mind you, there is some variety there. In AA I hear often the phrase “I have no regrets” and I think … I could never say such a thing. Of course I have regrets, principally surrounding the hurt I have done others, especially my children. I wish fervently that I had behaved differently so many times, but at this distance all I can do is to try not to repeat the same mistakes.
Though today my former Christian beliefs have undergone quite a bit of transformation, I have not lost touch with them. Easter is where it all comes together. Some of the season’s trappings are amusing, with the bunnies and the chicks and all, but underneath the dressing up in one’s finery and the ham dinners and the parades there is the most solemn of all the stories. The concept of sin, the sacrifice, the ideas of death and resurrection. Powerful.
This poem was entitled “Easter Sunday,” and was written in 1986, when my first marriage was flying apart at Concorde speeds.
A cycle races through the countryside
White lines blur beneath the wheels
Gyroscopic forces hold us up
And keep our bodies from the road
I could have used a similar device
To guide me these past years
Whenever I was off the track
The wheel would right itself
Resisting that careen down
A painful and a witless path
No such luck was mine, or hers
We two pitched back and forth in time
Upon a vehicle already downed
I only heard the sound this year
A drawn-out grinding wail
As blood and bones of what we were
Were strewn along the road
People do survive these things
But never as they were before the crash
A part of me was left there on the ground
To dry and harden in the sun
The part of her that cared for me
Had hardened too
Out there on the road
Somewhere in territories west
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Little Home In The Valley 