Murder Most Foul

High Sheriff: Awright, let’s have the story, you two. And let’s just skip the parts where you say it wasn’t your fault. That poor defenseless little thing is dead as a doornail, and I don’t see anybody else in the room.

Robin: I confess. Jon did it.

Jon: Whuh?

Robin: Almost as soon as we left the nursery that poor thing began to droop, as if she knew the fate that awaited her.

Jon: Robin … Dear … light of my life, there is no case against us if we remain mute.

Robin: I couldn’t face people any longer. You’d only go out and do it all over again. Admit it, Jon, you are a serial basil-killer and you need help. If jail is the only way to end this, then so be it.

High Sheriff: Okay, Mister – hands behind your back. You don’t have to say anything but if you do I’ll for sure tell it to the judge and CNN or anyone that cares to listen. It’s moments like this that make me glad to be a cop.

Robin: Could we make it quick, officer? I have a pedicure in 20 minutes..

Jon: (falling to his knees and whingeing in an unbecoming way) Oh thank you, Robin, for ratting me out. I admit that I killed that basil plant, one of the four that I’ve murdered this year. I don’t know why … something comes over me and I leave an air pocket down by the roots or I starve the plants for water.

High Sheriff: Ah, here’s the paddy wagon now. It’s off to the pokey for you, lad, and you’d better hope this news doesn’t get out, because we’re understaffed and if a mob should come for you …

Jon: I deserve whatever comes. I can still hear those tiny basil screams at night, when all is quiet. Perhaps I always will.

High Sheriff: You didn’t let me finish. If a mob should come I’ll just put you out on the sidewalk. No point in risking my staff for the likes of thee.

******

I’ve switched from wearing annoyingly itchy blue paper masks to annoyingly itchy bandannas as part of my personal masking efforts. When no one is around, I can push the bandanna down, and I believe it gives me just that rakish look I’ve been seeking.

If you haven’t yet decided on what your masking style should be, perhaps this pictorial I ran across should help. I’ve chosen “The Hondo” for myself.

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I recently viewed a brief news clip about some folks in Great Britain who have volunteered to participate in a vaccine study being conducted there. They were both thirty-somethings, and without knowing more about the study details, I mentally commended them for their courage and thoughtfulness.

This started me wondering about myself. I did volunteer for a vaccine study once, and that was for the immunization against rubella, or so-called German measles. That was fifty years ago. The perceived risks were very small and it really didn’t require any bravery at all.

But now … there are many different coronavirus vaccines being studied, of very different types, from what I’ve gathered – and who should step forward, I wonder? Eventually some of us will have to receive that vaccine to make sure we don’t keel over just from getting “the shot.” That’s the part about safety.

And then will come the crucial part. We find out whether the immunization is effective as we compare the vaccinated subjects to unvaccinated ones when both are exposed to the offending agent.

Since the highest risk group from coronavirus is made up of my peers, shouldn’t it be people like me who are among those to come forward as volunteers? We who are members of the group that would benefit most?

But in general my age group would be excluded from drug studies. Hmmm.

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This woman’s name is Sarah Cooper. She is on YouTube as well as Twitter & Tik Tok. She positively nails her subject, which is P.Cluck. This one is called “How to Medical.”

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In general I have not been a fan of media physicians. You know, those people who show up regularly as guests or commentators. Robin was quite surprised at me earlier in our marriage when after viewing yet another piece of inaccurate trash I burst out at the television set: “Nancy Snyderman, you medical whore!”

And so when Sanjay Gupta came along, at first I filed him in the same waste basket with the rest. But that was a long time ago, and I have since retrieved him, dusted him off, and actually come to admire his media work. I think he honestly tries to get it right. He is neither smarmy nor arrogant – which are unusual qualities in his field.

And in our present troubles, IMHO, he’s done a very necessary job, being one of the voices of reason in the unfortunate clamor that often passes for discussion when the subject is Covid-19.

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